New Math

Based upon my measurement from multiple doctors, I am due August 26th. So every other calendar in the world has me starting my 13th week on Thursday the 11th. However, Kaiser has me starting my 12th week on Thursday. So I pulled out a calendar and calculated it by hand. If I am due on August 26th, that means I would begin my 41st week on the 26th. That translates to starting my 13th week on Thursday. I am very confused.

US National Game

Kevin took me to my first pro-soccer game last month. We went to see a US National Game and I cannot believe how many Honduran fans were in Southern California! Kevin plays Fantasy Football with defender Jimmy Conrad and his mother, Pam. Pam organized the whole thing. There were probably 40 of us sitting together to cheer Jimmy on. Unfortunately, he was ejected in the 17th minute. We all stood there with jaws open in shock. It was awful. The US team lost 3-1 but we had a wonderful time!

It was really cold!

Brandon and his cousin, Analee

Ally, Brian, and Liz

2009 In Review: Looking Forward

During out Thanksgiving dinner with our Small Group, another couple announced they were expecting a child . . . and they weren’t trying. I, for some strange reason, was prepared for the news. But Kevin was not prepared. He was devastated. It broke my heart to see him upset. So that Friday after group, I called the fertility office in Fontana. I was originally going to wait until after the first of the year, but I wanted to do this for my husband.

We had our first consultation with the fertility doctor on December 7th. She was wonderful. She asked a bunch of questions and we even did an ultra sound to determine that I was indeed ovulating. They took 12 viles of blood that day for testing and sent us home with instructions for our next tests. My blood came back fine but she was worried about one hormone level and wanted me to come back when I started my next cycle for a saline sonogram and more blood tests.

So I waited to start my next cycle. I waited and waited. On the morning of December 22, I still hadn’t started so I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. I was shocked. Kevin was getting ready for work, so I didn’t tell him. He needed to go in that day and I didn’t want him to worry. I emailed my doctor and she sent me in for a blood test. It was also positive. She wanted me to go back in 48 hours later for another test to make sure things were progressing.

I went to Target and bought a bib that said “I Love Daddy.” I wrapped it up and planned to give it to Kevin on Christmas morning. But as I thought about what if the blood test on the 24th was bad news, I knew I would need Kevin’s support. I gave him the gift on Christmas Eve morning. We were excited, but hesitant to get our hopes up too much.
The blood test came back and the levels had doubled. We began to get excited.

We headed to Bakersfield to spend the New Year with family. On the morning of the 2nd, I had some bleeding. I called the nurse and she suggested we go to urgent care. We waited for almost four hours before we were seen. The doctor did an ultra sound. He found the sac, but no embryo. I took another blood test and the levels were very high. The doctor said that this meant there was a fertilized egg somewhere outside of the uterus and he sent us to the local hospital for a more advanced ultrasound. We weren’t ready to tell my family yet, but as they had no idea where we had been for the past 5 and a half hours, we spilled the beans. My family cried with us as I tried to look for the positives. At least we know now that I can get pregnant.

We headed to the hospital for another ultrasound. The technician was quite odd and we couldn’t hardly tell if he was talking to us or himself. He took a look around and pointed out the ovaries and tubes. Then he paused and in the most monotone voice said “There’s the baby.” Kevin and I looked at each other very confused. Kevin then asked, “Is it in the uterus?” The tech then pointed to the outline of the uterus. Kevin then said “When we came in here we were under the impression there was an embryo but that it wasn’t in the uterus.” The tech then said “No, it’s inside.” Our final question was, “Can we go back to being excited?” The tech let us listen to the faint heart beat and printed us a picture. It looks like a seed.

We went back to Fontana, had another ultrasound and were released back to our regular Riverside doctor, who did another ultra sound.

Today I am 11 and a half weeks pregnant. Tuesday we go back to our doctor to hear the heartbeat. So far everything is progressing normally. The doctors called it “Conception by Consultation.” I’m still very nervous that it won’t actually happen. We are excited to see my little belly start to grow.

God has taught me so much this past year. Most of which I know would not have happened if we had gotten pregnant when we wanted to. Thirteen consecutive months isn’t actually a long time, but in the middle of it, it felt like an eternity to us. I have learned more about my struggle with doubt and learning to release control. I praise God for the things He has done, and the things He continues to teach me.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Some of you have opened your hearts and shared some very personal things with me. Your encouragement has meant the world to us. We covet your prayers as we continue to learn what God has planned for us. As we learn to be the parents He desires us to be, trusting His guidance and following the wisdom of His Word. Thank you.

2009 In Review: Noah and Babies

God spoke to me loud and clear through an email from my new friend. We were talking about how we live in a fallen world. I had spent so much time convincing myself that not getting pregnant was not my fault and I did nothing to cause it, that I failed to personally recognize my own sin. I somehow neglected to remember, I too, have sinned and Jesus chose to die for even my sin. It seems so simple, but I too contribute to this sinful world.

This Sunday Matt talked about Noah and his family. The scriptures are very clear that only 8 people were saved. Noah and his sons. Not Noah and his grandchildren. God closed the wombs of these women until after they got off the arc. For hundreds of years! He had a perfect plan for them. I’m only 28. I have no plans for the rest of my life. I can wait. I may never give birth, but God has a plan. It’s not easy. But for whatever reason I found comfort in this.

I refuse to give one reason or purpose to not being pregnant. I have been amazed and blessed with all that God has shown me and I know they are all teaching me new and exciting things. We have been presented opportunities that could not have happened if we had children. I have been amazed and blessed. One other thing that God revealed on Sunday, was our opportunity to give to His church. After over ten years, Sandals Church is finally getting a home of our own. We have bought an industrial building across town that we get to transform into a home of our own. If we had children, or I was pregnant, our financial situation would look completely different. As a result, our contribution would look completely different. God has given us a starting goal and I believe he is going to give additional opportunities for us to increase the gift even more. We are excited to give and be a part of Sandals. It does take some faith. Today I prayed, “Lord, I love you and I trust you. I know you have called us to give to your church. I am excited and willing. But this also means if you call us to adoption, the money has to come from somewhere else, because there is nothing left after this.” Luckily that bridge is way off in the distance. If our patience were for this reason only, I would be blessed to serve the Lord as He has asked.

I won’t deny I still have longing for a family, but as I mentioned in earlier posts, I am learning patience (as well as many other things.) It was a pretty cool Sunday.

2009 In review: Answered Prayers

After an amazing and emotionally draining July, I concluded my journey in an email to my two new friends on August 3rd. I shared all that I had experience and all I was continuing to learn. Then in September, I headed up to Canada to spend some time with Kevin while he was in Ottawa on business.

I received an email from one of my new friends. Here is a portion of what she wrote:

You wrote your concluding email on August 3rd and on August 5th I had a positive pregnancy test. (and subsequently 11 more!) Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant. It is still quite surreal to me and I cannot believe God would heal me and answer my prayers the very moment I asked. I also know that he answered them in His timing since it was a journey of faith that I was on at the exact moment He chose life to begin inside me. Life began in a child that we will have in April and in my own heart again. I have never had such blind faith before and it truly is an amazing experience but it took a LONG time to get here. I'm sure He isn't finished with this lesson yet. I believe that God used my desperate cry for healing and your obedience. I believe that He has healed me for His glory.

My prayer, dear friend for you is that you will experience all that God has for you on this journey. Don't be disheartened but in it all find God, find a way to thank and praise him. Even if working with fertility Dr's is your chosen path, think of how you and your journey could impact those Dr's and nurses and perhaps another fellow woman walking with you on this journey.

As I read her email I began to cry. God answered my prayer in a very real way; a way I had never experienced before. I don't know if I have ever been so excited to hear someone else was pregnant. Especially this year! But God had healed her body, and opened her womb. He hears our prayers. It was such a beautiful experience and I thank God everyday that He allowed me to be a part of it all. His glory and grace astound me.